


To See

by orphan_account



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Artist AU, College AU, Fluff, M/M, i love jookyun, listen i suck at these tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 17:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8409652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jooheon wanted to know more about the boy who sits in front of him during Literature and Biology class only to find out the boy loves art. Soon, Jooheon finds himself being friends with the boy who was none other than Lim Changkyun who happens to be the love of his life.





	1. The First Drawing

**Author's Note:**

> MY FIRST EVER JOOKYUN FIC. i know i'm too much into the college type of love but i promise soon enough i'll work on aus.

There were a lot of things Jooheon wanted to know. He was always curious, mostly when he lifts his head up after writing notes for class to find the same back facing him. Jooheon wasn’t entirely popular but you can call him popular because he got along with almost every kid in his classes, except for one.

Jooheon liked to know him. The closest he could get to him was every time the boy would pass him his test results but that was it. He wouldn’t even turn around to look at him or utter a word towards his direction. He spends most of his time writing or preferably scribbling on his notebook and whenever the boy was too busy scribbling and wouldn’t hear the teacher call out Jooheon’s name, Jooheon stands up instead of him.

He grabs his test and glances beneath him to find a beautifully drawn character from an anime or a cartoon on the page. Jooheon assumed the guy across him loved to draw, loved art and had a hundred of framed artworks at home.

But he was wrong, one time during lunch break (where Jooheon does nothing and stays in the classroom) when the guy in front of him and his friend—whom he thinks is named Kihyun from what he heard from the boy itself—told him to leave, the boy didn’t hesitate to do so. Standing up from his seat, a paper where he drew a beautiful flower on fell from his desk.

“Aren’t you going to pick that up?” he looks at it, staring at it for a moment and shakes his head. “I don’t need it.” And once Jooheon knew he was out of earshot and out of their sight, he picked up the drawing from the floor and kept it safe squeezed in between the pages of his book and brought It home.

He admired the drawing every now and then, when he couldn’t sleep and he ends up wondering how the boy who had done this was feeling, what was the boy’s name or whatever filled up his mind it was sure to be about the boy that sat in front of him.

Until he went to school, he only sees him during Literature and Biology class and if he was luckier than lucky, the boy shows up during P.E. on Thursdays on which the boy almost _never_ comes to because if there was one thing the boy that sits in front of Jooheon hates, it’d be moving.

So when Literature class starts, Jooheon was just silent on his chair watching the boy in front him almost poking him to annoy him and say _talk to me._

But the boy never does.

 

Jooheon scans his schedule, apparently today was one of the days he claimed he’s _haggard_ because god he doesn’t even remember his own schedule which he had memorized without even having to revise the paper a hundred times but he happens to forget it today, _every single detail._

It was Literature class, if Jooheon didn’t have any _I wish I was home_ thoughts he would remember that the boy in front of him was the one he’s been wanting to befriend for months but Jooheon had no space in his brain to think about it or to just even process that he’s going to see the boy again.

Entering the classroom was quiet, he was a little too early but he doesn’t come back out of the room instead he enters and walks straight up to his chair. Only to find the chair in front of him occupied and it was the boy.

He had memorized his features so well since the boy refused to notice Jooheon by any chance and while Jooheon still didn’t have the enough courage to talk to the boy first he took the times he was avoided as an opportunity to know the boy’s exterior more.

He looked older than him but he assumed the boy was younger from his actions. Jooheon could see that the boy was a little shorter than him and he appreciated it; everyone was almost too tall for Jooheon or just an inch taller than he is and it somehow makes him angry.

The longer Jooheon lets his inner coward out, the more time he wastes from talking to the boy. He couldn’t even get his name. The time he was about to tap on the boy’s shoulder their teacher comes in the room with no warning. That was enough for Jooheon to realize it was too late to do anything else.

Jooheon doesn’t do anything, he doesn’t even listen to their teacher babbling about the book they’re supposed to read for their book report that is due next week. Jooheon didn’t care anymore, Literature class was boring and like he was thinking a while ago, he wants to go home. He didn’t even have anything else to do anyways, so he finds the time to admire the drawing once again.

Pulling it out of his bag and staring at it as if it was the only artwork in the world and with his clumsiness mixed with the sleep he hadn’t gotten rid of, the paper slipped out of his hand and into the spaces between their chairs and before Jooheon could grab the paper—or even just get out of his chair to run for it, a hand took the drawing.

He prays it wasn’t the teacher because he would kill just to get it back. Fortunately, it wasn’t the teacher but to his surprise it was the owner of the drawing. _Lim Changkyun_ written on the boy’s notebook and Jooheon pauses for a moment.

“Didn’t I draw this?”

Is he talking to him? “Y-Yeah, you dropped it and didn’t take it so I decided to keep it.” The drawing was being handed back to him and Jooheon hesitantly takes it back, “that’s nice. Do you like it?” the boy asks, a little inaudible since they didn’t want to divert the teacher’s attention towards them because they know they had to pull stunts to make her forget about it.

Jooheon just nods and he could see the boy smile. That was the farthest Jooheon could reach. The next minute he was running to his friends, Hoseok immediately avoiding Jooheon’s grasp but failed when Jooheon had hugged him. “I suppose you’ve done what you’ve been wanting to do.” Jooheon nods furiously and squeezes his friend.

“Let me breathe!” Hoseok shrieks causing the others to laugh. Minhyuk starts jumping, “what did you guys talk about?” letting go of Hoseok, Jooheon jumps to sit down on the small wall not too tall for them to not be able to sit on top of it. Jooheon shrugs, “it wasn’t much of a talk. It was a starter, for at least.”

Hyungwon narrows his eyes towards Jooheon, his eyes with a matching knitting of eyebrows and starts interrogating his friend like a job interview. “Did he mention your name?” he shakes his head lightly and Hyungwon nods once, “I see.”

“Come on, you heard the kid. It was a starter.” _Starter._

And he hopes in the future he gets to talk to the little artist because if he has some, Jooheon would love to see his art pieces and maybe see them in a exhibit. He would really love to.


	2. Begin

_"Jooheon?" He turns around, his surroundings were white and he couldn't see anything but brightness. The voice echoes through the empty spaces of where he stands and he winces when it goes up a pitch because it rung so badly in his ears, "Jooheon?" the voice calls again._

_He takes a step forward, the voice continues to echo and the more steps he takes the more he hears his name. It gets louder as he inches closer to the end of God knows what. Everything was still white and light, if it wasn't for the terrible noise and calling of his name he would assume he was in heaven._

_There were no angels, there were no harmonies being sung and no winged creature was playing a harp for a warm welcome he hopes. There was nothing but him and a silhouette, not far from where he is standing. "Jooheon?" he hears again, it was a lady. Jooheon clenches his fists, he could feel his own blood boil inside of him from the sight of the woman and he earns all of his voice to shout._

_He opens his mouth and screams all of his might._

_But he made no sound._

 

"Jooheon?" He opens his eyes and Hyungwon held on his shoulders for dear life. Jooheon sits up, sweat on his forehead and he felt like he ran a mile in his sleep, "you were screaming in anger in your sleep," Hyungwon states, getting off of Jooheon's not-so clean bed. It was most probably the dream.

He doesn't know what he had seen, what he had dreamed of but he's sure it was something that he doesn't want to talk about. The birds were chirping out of the window and he could hear them, slightly inaudible, he looks out the window to find the sunlight bright. Turning around to see his clock flashing a bright red  **Saturday** on top of the numbers. It was another day where Jooheon rethinks of everything.

"You're going to that cafe again?" Hoseok asks as Jooheon grabs the mug from his hands, he hums in reply, mouth filled with coffee. "Don't you think you go there too often and that they get tired of your face?" if he hadn't been so lumpy today he would've hit Hoseok with a strong punch, "say whatever you want, loser. I need some time on my own."

Hoseok chuckles, sliding a bowl towards his direction and the cereal box along with milk, Jooheon mouths him 'thanks' and pours the cereal into the bowl. "Looks like Jooheon getting matured, needing some reflection time, you know what I mean." Hoseok grins and Jooheon just glares at him.

"I'm on 12th grade, this is the stage where we start contemplating about life and god, Hoseok, you reek!" Hoseok furrows his eyebrows and Jooheon covers his mouth while he chews, "shut up. I'm taking a bath. Hyunwoo, tell the skunk to watch his words!" He could hear a muffled reply from the elder across the room and Jooheon just turns around to find him but he couldn't.

Jooheon continues eating, it was quiet now. He liked to be alone, he takes those as an opportunity to reflect. Jooheon wasn't a bad guy, everyone seemed to love Jooheon, he was loved by almost everyone. One thing that bothered him was his own thoughts and Minhyuk didn't think it was nice so they let him off every weekends to some place he wants so that he can clear off anything that would make him sullen and with those offers, Jooheon found the cafe in the next street.

That cafe knows him, once he enters he gets served with his favorite drink and from there he opens his laptop and types in words he claimed to be poetry. No one bothered him there, no one even dared to ask if the seat in front of his was taken because every time he spends his Saturday there, he just stays with the company of his laptop, headset and his notebooks. 

He brings a lot of notebooks as well, most of them had a lot of the pages scribbled on, the others are new ones he buys in the book store every first Monday of the month. Those notebooks were either his thoughts, his feelings or lyrics. He could probably sell a notebook or two with how much it looks like a book if it weren't for his messy penmanship he would've done it before. 

"I'm going to the cafe," Jooheon chimes, expecting no one to say anything as he neared the door to go out but Minhyuk comes out of his room and jumps on the younger boy. "Don't forget to buy me my favorite drink! Wear this too!" He hands him a sweater, "isn't this my sweater?" Jooheon claims and Minhyuk laughs, "that's why I'm giving it to you. Now go!" Before he could say anything else he was shoved outside of their apartment and off Jooheon goes as he rants out complaints about his roommates. 

The bell rings upon his entrance and he sits on a free table. Despite his expected arrivals, Jooheon never had any table reserved for him neither does he have a usual spot, one time he had to sit outside because all of the tables were taken. "Good morning, Jooheon" he looks up to see the smiling boy wiping his table in circles, "morning, Kihyun."

"You're early today."

"Needed to think now."

"Mhm, I'll get your drink. Just wait a bit, I'll be back!"

Kihyun does come back with Jooheon's drink and after that there were no further interactions. Jooheon could see Kihyun at the side of his eye but he doesn't pay him much attention because if Jooheon thinks, he thinks and he's too caught up with thinking that he could smell the smoke of his brain from too much working. 

The only sound he could hear was his fingers typing quickly on his laptop's keyboard and the flipping of pages from his notebooks, sometimes he hears the pen when he writes but that occasionally happens. Jooheon sighs when his hand abruptly stops from typing as if some force had stopped him from doing so and he stares blankly at the screen which happens to be filled with a bunch of letters and words that sometimes Jooheon thinks he hadn't thought of himself.

A part of wanted to press the backspace button and not let go until the whole page was empty, a part of him also wanted him to leave the cafe now and go home because he had lost interest on doing anymore activities he had planned he'll do today because everything seems so bland right now he can't even get himself to speak. Until a thought flickers in his mind, Jooheon heaves another sigh and he tries to shrug the thought off but he couldn't so he grabs for his bag and looks for whatever could help him.

Jooheon grits his teeth, he can't be thinking about it, he couldn't. The poems weren't about that thought, no,  _never,_ he couldn't do that. That thought is nothing to him.. or maybe it is. Jooheon freezes, the drawing in hand and he couldn't stop thinking now.

_Changkyun._

Jooheon stares at the drawing for a moment and turns to his laptop screen and he reads all of the words he had written and finally with enough courage, he types in the last words and the last thing he had typed in was  ** _Changkyun_** before he closes his laptop.

 

 

Biology class was Jooheon's first class on Tuesdays, now here he was walking slowly in the hallways. He had told Minhyuk he doesn't feel like going to school and they all left for class while he was there alone arguing on his own whether he'd go to class or not, now here he is walking up to the door with the word Biology A2 written on Arial black on a silver plate. 

He hesitates to push it open, he was fifteen minutes late and if he shows up now maybe his teacher would consider him a detention attendee by the time the bell rings but he still does. The teacher was too busy writing on the board to notice the tardy student and Jooheon sighed out of relief but the sinking feeling comes back when he finds his chair taken.

He turns left and right, looking for a vacant seat but to no avail there were none. 

Jooheon wishes he hadn't gone to class at all, no one listens during Biology so it was pointless. Besides, his chair, which happens to be the chair where Changkyun sits in front of, was taken and now he's left bare. He turns around and walks up to the door again. "Jooheon," he winces, the dream flashes in his eyes and he prays he doesn't hear his name again. He turns around once again and finds Changkyun looking at him with a concerned look, he moves to look at where Changkyun's hand was and it was patting on a chair beside him. 

"Hurry!" Changkyun whisper-shouts and Jooheon rushes to the seat before the teacher had seen them. "No thank you for saving your ass back there?" Jooheon scrunches his nose, "eh, I was about to go back to our apartment anyways." 

Changkyun hits the older playfully and Jooheon glares at him, "you know you can't always slack off like that." 

"I'm not interested in Biology," he turns his head quickly and finds out the teacher had moved the slide before he could even start writing. He curses mentally and he feels someone tugging on his shirt and he groans before looking at Changkyun who was showing his notes, "hurry before I change my mind."

Jooheon could feel a smile creeping up on him and he looks at the younger boy before giving in and smiling. "You love me," Jooheon teases and Changkyun rolls his eyes, "shut up, I just care. Write now." He presses on the last word as if to warn the other that he's close to changing his mind. "On it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short and messy, forgive me. I have author's block, I'll make it better on the next chapter. I'm dealing with //something// lately forgive me.


	3. Small

"What do you think you're doing?" Kihyun furrows his eyebrows, watching his friend pace left and right and shoves papers and more into his bag, Changkyun just spares him a glance and continues to put random materials into his backpack and Kihyun looks at what Changkyun was holding with confusion written in his features. 

"You know that guy named Jooheon?"

"Which Jooheon? Remember I know two Jooheon's, the other is quite a blur."

"Jooheon from my class, the one who stays behind after Literature class which is recess."

Kihyun nods and Changkyun smiles, "he kept a drawing of mine and today I'm planning to show him more," Kihyun just chuckles. Changkyun had always been so bright, Kihyun who remains to be his only friend happens to be supportive at the upper hand. Though despite the doubt Kihyun has for Changkyun he doesn't say anything.

Changkyun was always the one who gets  _too_ determined that he fails to succeed at almost everything but Kihyun was there to pick him up again and let him start over. Kihyun had stayed with Changkyun for years, trying to get the most out of him since he  _was_ his only friend and he can't leave him alone.

From his stay, Kihyun is amused from what he stumbles upon every time he comes to Changkyun's house--the kid was a grade lower than him so he gets to come to his house when he's not around--if he's lucky, Kihyun gets to see an unfinished painting at the back of Changkyun's walk-in closet.

Changkyun was an artist, he loved nature and peace of mind. No one minded Changkyun at all times because he doesn't speak much, he doesn't say anything but his thoughts. 

He doubted himself a lot that was why Kihyun was there to help him move, still and all even with the tiniest of support Changkyun continues to be an enclosed artist, his paintings and drawings stay with himself and he resides into drawing when he can't quite think of a way out or when he doesn't feel anything towards the events unfolding in front of him.

_He's boring._

People always said that, even after a million tries of Changkyun trying to socialize people find him  **boring.** Changkyun wanted rid of that description because he isn't boring at all. He'll never be boring.

That's why when Changkyun met Jooheon, he had never been so happy in his life to find someone who actually cares. Changkyun was oblivious to the fact that Jooheon had been wanting to befriend him since day 1 but he can shake that off because he doesn't find anyone who's interested with what he does.

"Jooheon does seem to be a nice guy," Kihyun mumbles and Changkyun's eyes lit up at the mention of his name. "I heard he writes music and that he can dance as well. I don't know, I want to know Jooheon more." Kihyun chuckles, he loves to see the little Changkyun getting excited over the smallest things and he knows this kid has more to show to the world and that now he should just stay unbothered, for the time being that is.

Because Changkyun can't stay numb forever, now that Kihyun is relieved that he's been showing a little of his fur to the others it's starting to get better but he wishes Changkyun doesn't get too sensitive when people still continue on trying to step on him. Kihyun is confident though, that soon enough he'll be able to walk without Changkyun because he sees through the words Changkyun says alone, that Jooheon can help him stand on his own.

He's happy for Changkyun.

 

 

 

Jooheon runs up to his dorm, his laptop opens with the use of his hand and the other holding a drink he's currently sipping on, "hey!" Hoseok stumbles on his door, a towel wrapped on the bottom half of his body and Jooheon laughs loudly. "Give me my phone back, you moron!" 

"No name calling, I'm grounding the both of you!" Hyunwoo states as he walks past the open door to Jooheon's bedroom. Hoseok stomps angrily and knocks harshly on the pushed open door. "Give me my phone!" 

"No!" Jooheon continues to giggle as he scrolls down all of the lyrics he had written the past week and Hoseok was still standing outside of his bedroom in hopes the younger gives in and surrenders his phone but there was nothing happening in the past five minutes.

Minhyuk comes up behind Hoseok, "Jooheon," he calls. Jooheon hums in reply, too busy scanning the words and searching for mistakes and phrases that doesn't sound well to his ears. "You have a guest, his name is.." Minhyuk trails off and looks back to the front door and the guest mouths his name and Minhyuk nods, "Kihyun."

Jooheon stops for a moment and looks at the two older boys at his door and nods, "the guy from the cafe?"

"I dont know, wait, are you the guy from the cafe?" a faint yes was heard and Jooheon stands up from his seat, chuckling loudly when he walks towards an angry looking Hoseok and finally hands the older the gadget he's been asking for. Kihyun waits patiently in front of the door.

Their apartment wasn't too neat but Kihyun can say that it needs more work but other than that, he finds it clean and welcoming enough to guests. "You can enter now," he steps into the apartment and he could feel the atmosphere here was usually quiet and peaceful; somehow only racket caused by two would be the only disturbance and since none of them decides to clash right now, it's silent.

"What brings you here? Inviting me to the cafe at late hours? Promotion skills."

"No, I uh need to talk to you for a bit, advice maybe?" Jooheon stares at him for a second or two and grabs a glass and fills it up with some soda inside their refrigerator and slides it to Kihyun's direction. "I have a friend, he loves to draw and sadly, he's.. dependent."

"Is it Changkyun?" The only sound you could hear now was the glass slightly hitting the wooden counter and Kihyun stops with the mention of his friend's name, "how do you know him?"

Of course, Changkyun was obviously an introvert and he doesn't even have friends to save his life. Kihyun was his only friend so how does Jooheon happen to know? "you're the guy from his Literature and Biology class, aren't you?" Jooheon just smiles and pulls out a piece of paper beneath him, "the only." Kihyun looks at the familiar drawing showed to him and he recognizes it immediately.

_The paper falls and Changkyun just watches it slowly descend to the ground, "hey, that's a nice drawing, won't you be needing that?" he stares at it, feeling nothing at all. Not even guilt because he's used to it, the sadness that's poured upon him every time he admires an unfinished painting that he once planned in his head._

_He thought it'd be a masterpiece but it ends without a single proper stroke and Changkyun hates himself for it. "No, just leave it there." It was a beautiful drawing, the shadows, the shading, the color, everything in it made Jooheon soft inside. He wanted to see more because whoever drew it must've been so peaceful and fun to be with._

_Changkyun doesn't care, that drawing was one in a thousand he had scribbled. He thought it was ugly, it didn't deserve a place in his room and that no one would like it, no one would admire it and when the other artists have seen it he would be laughed at and be nothing but a pity in the community of artists, Changkyun thinks he's never good enough and he never will be. That's why he walked away, from the drawing and from the thoughts he doesn't need._

"So the Jooheon I know and the Jooheon he knows, is one?"

"What makes you think I'm a different person from who he knows and who you know," Jooheon merely whispers and Kihyun just laughs it off. "Jooheon, I think you can help him."

Jooheon's eyes lit up now, he looks at Kihyun with a spark of hope, something only Kihyun could see. "He's an artist, he earns money from a few of his paintings and he thinks he isn't good enough. Some of his artworks are brought to exhibits and museums and I'm proud of it but it saddens me to know, he isn't."

It is true, Changkyun is rich, he lives in a big house at the other street and Kihyun enjoys his stays there since Changkyun had almost everything in the house. It can be as good as a mall without anything to pay.

"What can I do?" Jooheon asks and it caught Kihyun with so many explanations until he realized he only needed one, "honestly, I can't answer that. I have a lot in thought but it turns out only your decision could most likely help him. I've been with him for years now and he can read me like a book. Jooheon, you're his new friend, he can't find you out, he can't speak against you because he's only getting to know you. You have to help him, he needs to his potential."

Kihyun thought he had failed to persuade the young man because it was quiet, the moves his fingers in circles in the opening of the glass and Jooheon smiles, "if it's for him then I guess I'll take the offer."

 

 

"Shut up, you can't even roll up your sleeves." Jooheon huffs, the sky was getting dark but he wanted to stay a little longer since he had nothing else to do. Exams were coming up and it was going to be their last exams for this year, "I can if I want to!" Changkyun retorts, still breaking the leaves in his hand.

Maybe it wasn't so hard to be Changkyun's friend, he hadn't been neglecting him and they haven't been clashing. It was good enough for a start of a friendship but what bothers Jooheon is that, he only wanted to know the boy more.. why is he best friends with him now?

They spend most of the time together, when Jooheon wants to finish music and Hoseok was reckless, he comes over to Changkyun's house but he doesn't finish the song he was writing, the last thing he remembers is that he wakes up hugging the other and Changkyun had his arms wrapped around him as well but he doesn't mind, it was warm in his arms and that could be the best feeling ever.

Almost everyone thinks they're in love, Jooheon no longer sits behind Changkyun because every Literature and Biology class, they sit beside each other and their seats a little too close to each other compared to the rest of the chairs. Not even the teachers tried to separate them because even though they don't have all the same classes together, one still can't shut up about the other. 

They were inseparable, Changkyun even sits with them during lunch time and he's known around Jooheon's household. It wasn't a bummer anyways, Kihyun gained new friends and Hoseok most probably gained a new crush--who happens to be Kihyun because one night he enters Jooheon's room and asks a little too much about Kihyun. He only went out when Jooheon starts teasing him non-stop and he spent all night trying to get Kihyun off of his mind. They treated Changkyun just like how they treat Jooheon and it felt nice.

Jooheon smiles when he thinks of Changkyun and when they tell him to talk about Changkyun they feel like it'll end tomorrow, "you can look tough but not too tough." 

Changkyun just nods, letting go of the leaves and sits beside his best friend before grabbing his notebook and he starts scribbling. "I like it when you draw things when we're together," Changkyun looks at him through his hair that was blocking his sight and Jooheon grins, "I like watching you draw, actually. You seem to be so into it and it amuses me."

If people were to ask, they wouldn't wait for an answer. Jooheon loves Changkyun's company and vice-versa. Whenever they're together it seems like they were full of life and that they had no problems to face,  _just as long as they're together._

"Why would you want to watch something like that?" his voice sounded a little muffle since Changkyun's lip was a little covered by his scarf and Jooheon looks up at the sky with a small smile. He shrugs, "I don't watch other people draw, I only watch you."

Changkyun pretends to shiver and cry, "you're creepy."

The silence was broken when the two break out in laughter and Jooheon wraps the younger boy in his embrace and he feels the joy overflow. When he's with Changkyun, he's the happiest he can ever be. 

It was a December evening, the two of them refused to go home so they stayed at the rooftop of the building where Jooheon's (and the rest's) apartment was. Changkyun was allowed to go beyond his curfew when he's with Jooheon because he sleeps in Jooheon's room when it's too late to go home. His parents acknowledged his presence as well, sometimes even treated him as if they were their other son.

Changkyun didn't want Jooheon to be treated as if he was a son, because the love that radiates from him and tries to give to Jooheon was definitely not brotherly love. 

"We're graduating soon," Changkyun mutters and Jooheon just smiles, eyes still stuck on the sky that was now shining with thousands of stars above them. He doesn't look at Changkyun, "yeah." The younger boy sighs and grabs Jooheon's hand, "promise me we'll graduate together?" Jooheon stays smiling but his gaze was still on the sky and he could feel Changkyun's gaze, he was admiring him and Jooheon could feel his chest almost bursting open.

Jooheon's eyes look down, the smile not leaving his lips. "i promise."

_"Jooheon always keeps his promises, he never breaks them. That's why I tend to give Jooheon promises I know I can keep, but right now there's one promise I want to give him but I'm afraid to do so. Maybe we're not ready yet?"_

"Thanks."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the update is still ugly. i'm still going through //something// so for now let me through ;-; i love jookyun so much i die


	4. Jooheon?

Changkyun's footsteps were light, he looks left to right, making sure he isn't seen or heard. His eyes scan his surroundings and he glances to the staircase and then back to the dim lighted hallway. His phone vibrates and he carefully pulls it out, staring at the bright screen showing Jooheon's message and he smiles before making his way to the stairs.

He could hear muffled voices inside his parents' room.  _Sounds like an argument,_ he muttered to himself and stares at the door, a frown on his face and he shrugs it off. The weight on his shoulders was getting a little too heavy, he's about to fall down if it wasn't for Jooheon who helps him up whenever he trips and Changkyun was thankful for it. It's been weeks since his parents come home to their mansion, Changkyun had to paint in secret and Kihyun rarely visits all thanks to Changkyun's strict parents.

But it was alright for Changkyun since he can go out of the house and in again without being noticed. He thought his parents don't even care anymore and that's fine just as long as he can be with his friends and draw at the same time. In contrast with Changkyun, jooheon worries that Changkyun would get in trouble,  **big time.** Jooheon always thought they're rich, they're all fancy and that Changkyun shouldn't be going against whatever house rules they have in their mansion.

Changkyun laughs it off, of course they were complete opposites when it comes to what they have and what they know but that doesn't change anything. Changkyun finds it hilarious every time when Jooheon says he should go home when the clock flashes 10 PM, he knows he can stay past that time but Jooheon insists on the idea of him going home.

He traces the staircase handle with his pointer finger and continues his journey out of the house. It wasn't any later than 4 PM and Changkyun is meeting up with Jooheon in their favorite arcade and maybe go to shops and buy whatever they want or need. He is excited, he sprints out to the door and runs toward the arcade. 

Jooheon stood outside of the arcade, the lights from the arcade flashing different colors into his skin and Changkyun found it beautiful, more beautiful than any of his paintings and the only thing he thinks before that only the world could hold so much beauty but Jooheon knocks him off of the floor every single time he just looks at Changkyun.

He looked at Changkyun with his eyes slightly widened and his lips remain flat, not opening, not smiling, not frowning, just a blank expression. Changkyun's breathe hitches as he inches closer to his friend and Jooheon finally flashes him a bright smile, his hands still tucked inside the pockets of his coat, "you came.." he sighs in relief.

He chuckles nervously and returns Jooheon's smile with a brighter one, "what makes you think I wouldn't?" Jooheon shrugs, running a hand through his hair, "something tells me that today seems to be a little off for you today and I'm slightly upset by that, is there a problem?" Changkyun shakes his head, the smile never leaving his lips. "I'm fine."

"I heard the ice cream parlor down the street serves great ice cream! Wanna go?"

_"Come on!"_

 

 

Laughter. It continues to ring in Changkyun's ears but when he turns around, there's no one. "I'm alone.." he mumbles, looking around and sighs. The paint on his brush had been creating small droplets on the floor and Changkyun faces the portrait once more, it was blank.

Just like his thoughts, pure white.

_Just like Jooheon's expression, blank._

Changkyun presses his palm against his forehead and tries to shake the thought off of his head. Days and days where he couldn't stop thinking of him. Just that one time where Jooheon looked  _so_ breathtaking, he can't get a hold of himself. Jooheon's image stays in his head after a while and that's where he realizes that he won't be able to take it off so he lets it stay there.

"Why.." he whispers, looking at the portrait and feels extremely sad to find it blank still. He begins to push forward his arm, the brush in between his fingers and he places light black strokes on the middle. It was a shape of a head, something real similar to Jooheon's, "can't I..." he dips the brush into water and into the ball of black on his palette. 

"forget about you.." the neck, the body, the hands inside the pocket. Changkyun admires the figure he had drawn, it was definitely Jooheon, he couldn't lie anymore.

 _Jooheon is really pretty,_ Changkyun says that to himself the first time he met the boy. He would paint flowers, draw roses every time he sees Jooheon because if there was one thing that Changkyun would tell Jooheon it'd be his favorite phrase,  _you look like flowers._

Changkyun smiles, he adds the last few strokes until he was done with the outline and he starts to color in. The faded red, the bright blue and the other additional colors Changkyun had seen on Jooheon's face was on the painting, he carefully finishes the painting, making sure that it was as if it was really Jooheon.

He grabs the white cloth, covering the painting with it, he looks at it from a distance and purses his lips. "I love colors."

 

 

"You bring color to my life," Jooheon reads, in the midst of laughing and Changkyun rolls his eyes. "hey I think it's nice," Changkyun attempts to get the paper only for himself but Jooheon doesn't let go of it so he's only holding the side opposite to what Jooheon's holding. 

Jooheon turns his gaze to Changkyun, who was reading the poem and was too focused on it. Jooheon traces his features with his eyes. Jooheon admired Changkyun even with his flaws and he loved every single thing about Changkyun, of course as his best friend, he isn't picky when it comes to friends but Changkyun was a little too different from the others. Jooheon adored him for that, he doesn't blend in and it's so easy to find him in a crowd.

Because if Jooheon would be looking for only one person in the world and he didn't know Changkyun, he'd choose him. 

"Staring is rude." Changkyun claims.

Jooheon could feel a blush creeping up his cheeks and he turns his head away from Changkyun quickly and lets out a sour look. Changkyun chuckles at how Jooheon was acting, tugging at his wrist, Jooheon refuses to turn to face him again. "Hey, I was kidding. We can have a staring contest if you want..." Changkyun goes on, Jooheon furiously shakes his head and Changkyun pouts.

"Fine. You're missing out on these looks, Heon!"  

Jooheon giggles,  _man, he's a silly guy, ain't he._ "Shut up, Kyun! I have that myself, stop bragging!"

The rest of the afternoon was filled with their laughter and that's what rings inside Changkyun's ears all the time. 

The sun was entirely out of their view and it gets dark before they even notice. Jooheon finally--after minutes of trying to avoid staring at Changkyun--turns to look at his best friend, the city lights illuminated their surroundings even Changkyun's face that Jooheon had come to love. 

He smiles to himself, knowing that he's proud to have Changkyun as a best friend and he's not lying. He'll always be proud of Changkyun.

 


	5. I love..

Jooheon scans the room, chairs aligned with small spaces between them. He silently walks in, the cold air greeting him hello and he almost bumps into a chair which creates noise that echoed a little within the empty classroom. He walks up towards the too familiar chair. He remembers it to be his favorite chair,  _the one that sat behind Changkyun's._

He runs his fingers along the wooden material and sits down. An image of Changkyun flashed in his eyes and he smiles, he remembers how badly he wanted Changkyun to talk to him. He only wanted him to look his way, he only wanted him to notice him.

Now, that guy is his best friend. The guy he spends almost every day of the week with, wasting bags of popcorn when they plan to watch anime together at night in Jooheon's house. The guy he chases in the huge hallways of a grand mansion three streets away from his house whenever Changkyun's parents were out. 

Changkyun used to never know he exists.

"You're early." A voice mutters and Jooheon turns to look at Hoseok, who was leaning on the door frame and licking on an ice cream cone. Jooheon shrugs, "you're early too."

"Why though? Didn't you and Changkyun like plan to go to school at the same time?" Hoseok ignores Jooheon's reply and awaits for an answer. Jooheon lightly shakes his head, tapping his fingers on his desk, "Changkyun and I don't go to school together." Hoseok snorts and turns around, "that's sad. Stay strong."

Hoseok disappears before Jooheon could speak again and he realizes he's alone again. His bag lays on the floor beside his chair and he grabs the back of Changkyun's known chair. He remembers how the drawing had fell from that very table and how he had to reluctantly grab it because maybe Changkyun would look for it after acting like he doesn't care. Yet that drawing stays with Jooheon, Changkyun never took it, he never asked for it and Jooheon kept it.

The door opens once more, Jooheon quickly turns his gaze towards it and realizes Changkyun has entered the classroom. Only the wind was heard, coming from the open window behind them at the very back of the classroom, Changkyun smiles at his friend. "How's the weather?" Jooheon hums before he opens his lips to speak, Changkyun tugs on the back of the chair and sits on it. "Getting better, how about yours?" Jooheon replies.

Changkyun's eyes lit up when he had heard Jooheon's answer. He smiles a little, twisting his body to face his best friend, "my family's getting worse as we speak.." Changkyun mumbles. The time stops, as if time slowed down and Jooheon could see every little move Changkyun does, from how he breathes to how he opens his lips and closes them again in fear he won't speak out the right words.

"You mean, they're still fighting?"  
"Well, I can't lie now, right?"

It falls silent again. Jooheon swears he could hear Changkyun's heart breaking with every second that passes by. 

"I'm sorry," was all he managed to say. Changkyun nods, a smile highlighting his features.

 

"Changkyun?" a faint voice calls from upstairs, Changkyun gazes toward the ceiling as if he could see right through who it was. His heart was beating fast, he turns to the ceiling, the door and back to the portrait. His adrenaline rushes through his system, grabbing the white cloth a little too quickly and covers the portrait. He's afraid, he knows his parents doesn't support his great abilities over art and Changkyun would kill just to pursue his artist dream.

The door flies open, revealing his mother. Changkyun immediately stares at her, his face showed a look of worry--worried about himself, that is--at the same time, it showed no emotion. His mother couldn't read his face, neither can she tell what he had been previously doing, instead she calls him upstairs to prepare. 

Once the door closes once more, Changkyun sighs. Lightly holding the white cloth and tugging it slowly to reveal the portrait. The unfinished painting of his one true love, his favorite artwork. Changkyun slides his thumb on the dried paint and smiles, admiring the image. He covers it, putting it in the corner of the room and runs out, praying to God no one finds the artwork until the next month.

Boxes of paint brushes and palettes, thousands of colors and shades decorated the rest of them. Changkyun stops nearby the door frame and stares at the boxes with a frown. _One day all of them will be thrown away and I fear that day will come... a little too sooner than later_ and he continues to run up the stairs.

 

Jooheon buries his face into the textbooks laying on his table. "Just one more night, Heonie. Just one more night." He mutters to himself, massaging his temples and flips the pages harshly. It was evident in his appearance he's stressed, beyond that even.

Though even if he couldn't handle the stress anymore longer, he would try at least to endure it for Changkyun. Finals week were coming and he promised Changkyun to get a high score as a birthday gift since finals week was only 2 weeks away from Changkyun's birthday.

Jooheon, as Changkyun's loving best friend, couldn't turn down the deal. He only wanted to see the cute grin Changkyun rarely wears—yet he sees him grin every time they were together in the fields, but that isn't enough—Changkyun's become more serious nowadays, unlike before where he would fool around with Jooheon non-stop.

Now, he spends much more time thinking, being in his own small world. Also where Jooheon would take it as an opportunity to admire him, Changkyun was indeed an artist because as Jooheon says, _you are what you paint_ and Changkyun would laugh saying that made no sense but Jooheon thought Changkyun's paintings were beautiful, so beautiful that even the artist was too beautiful to handle.

Changkyun had so little confidence that he wouldn't bother to show off his paintings somewhere in the streets of town. Jooheon would be happy to so though.

Jooheon continues to rummage through hundreds of pages, making sure every word stays in his mind, memorizing bits and bits until he would get the whole thing correct. He just wants to impress Changkyun.

It could be hard but it's worth all of his tries.

 

The door flies open, angry stomps coming behind him and Changkyun freezes. He doesn't even turn around to see who it was, he almost cries when he could hear the breathing from behind.

"Changkyun, what is this?" His mother's angry voice points toward a painting in her hand. It was a painting of the ballet dancer, ths one he had watched about four months ago. She was small and Changkyun loved her, he would visit her every 21st of the month and he decided to paint her because Changkyun paints whatever he thinks is beautiful.

His mother's jaw drops and points toward him but there was a small distance from he was standing to where his mother was pointing and it took him a little while to realize what she was actually pointing at, "why are you doing this?!"

"Why are you against this?" He immediately fights back and his mother glares at him as if he had done the most terrible deed. Changkyun bites his lip and almost cries but he stops himself, "I love painting and I love him!" he shouts.

"Stop saying that."

Changkyun drops his head and it snaps back up when his mother had spoken once again, "what is it?" Changkyun teases, an idea popping up in his mind and he couldn't help but to feel furious as well. "Stop saying that!" his mother shouts back in return from his action a while ago.

Changkyun smiles, "I love painting and I love him.." he repeats. His mother was more furious after hearing it twice, "won't you listen to me?"

"I love painting and I love him."  
"Changkyun, don't you dare disrespect your mother!"  
He balls his fists, his mother dares to take a step forward and Changkyun takes a step backward. He won't give it up for the whole world, "I love painting and I love him!"

That was the last straw, his mother raises her hand to threaten him for a stinging slap to the face. Changkyun awaits the moment it'll come, he doesn't care anymore. "Try me, Changkyun.. try me.."

Changkyun smiles, he breathes in and doesn't even hesitate for a moment. If it saves him and his love for the two of the most important things in his life, he wouldn't drop to his knees.

"I love him and I love painting.."

 


End file.
